Where Am I?

So many of us are in the living the same life. We all bleed. All inhale deep anxiety. Some Empathize. But most are sick with with greed. With envy. Prostitution, damnations, affiliations, starvation. Hungry for sustenance, substance or love. Staring at the stars, into the end of a bottle, or the last bita dust in that baggie for answers. 

The end comes to some so much quicker. Before we have time to catch our breath. Tears find my eyes as I write.. 

Summer time, a magical time.  But without the people we have that have been taken. I only find peace part-time. 

The earth is scorched with the sadness of loss like an old photo dried up in the sun. Blackened, faded, forgotten. People telling me to move on. Its life no need to be numb. Well fck that and fckin you because one of the fallen was my Mum.

Scroll through these social media timelines during these insane times.

And I will Speak on whatever I choose. Wearing a beating organ on my sleeve. Perhaps. But fck it I just want relief. 

I Could be wired wrong mind broken. I do not care what is wrong or right. Rage fills my blood boiling. But It is enough to go on. 

Lika a radiator my thoughts I bleed spilling to the floor. Lost in myself so I started to reflect. My mind needs to stay sharp. Fck my degree. Fck my intelligence. 

All I want is to open my eyes for the first time and truly see.

See why I am still so bitter. Why the darkness spreads like an infection.

Is it my selfishness? childishness? Is it Because I’m Irish? I need to surpass this fever. Lift myself out of this pit. I hear something valid I listen. Times like this I wish to be religious but I see nothing worth believing in.

My perspective does not alter my awareness. This 8mm horror film plays nightly. Vividly. Horrifically. Everytime I close my eyes. Surprised, lied, died, cried. Afflictions, enhanced addictions, angered reactions. 

These metal chains be keeping me mentally imprisoned. But yet I am

The only one who possesses the key. I try to stand up when all I need is to take a down. I look at peace like trees. Bring me to a forest and let me be free.